WCW’s Eric Bishoff’s (mock) Letter to EliteXC’s Gary Shaw

Dear Mr. Shaw:

I first of all want to congratulate you on such a great show. I don’t know if you know me but I used to run a wrestling organization called WCW. We were just like you in the mid 1990’s. Our sport was becoming more popular, but got trashed by WWF and Vince McMahon. People are starting to watch your sport, but it is dominated by UFC and Dana White. McMahon and White both alienate so many of their fighters it leaves us with the guys they don’t want anymore.

I really felt like you have the essence of WCW in your program right down to the Nitro Girls (actually, I think the girls you had were their illegitimate kids). I loved everything about it, not because it was good but because it just brought back so many memories. Even your lighting and camera work was substandard, just like ours. When you watch the UFC and WWE, they do such a great job presenting the fights, it feels professional. Who needs that?

The build-up to the fight was great. The ring entrances were epic. Phil Baroni was a nice touch. It was like when I brought in Roddy Piper and Mr. Perfect. You nailed bringing in a washed up fighter who has some personality. I kind of made that my signature move. Tito Ortiz is out there now if you wanted to sign him, it could be just like when I brought in Hulk. Tito used to be the biggest star too. I got a great way for you to set up a feud for him. Kimbo can’t really win fights against real competition as we found out last Saturday, so why not take one more step towards becoming the new WCW?

Sign Ortiz, and during his first fight have Kimbo ring-side. When Ortiz starts to get the best of his fight, have Kimbo hit him over the head with a steel chair. The fans give a great reaction to the steel chair shots, I can’t believe you haven’t used them yet! Then you have some promos to build up some beef before the fight itself. This particular angle is great. During their first fight, have Jenna Jameson turn on Ortiz, spiking his water or throwing salt in his eyes. Ok, I’m getting carried away with the whole Tito-Kimbo thing here but your only other option is to have him really fight MMA when he doesn’t even know how to defend himself on the ground. I could get you Disco Inferno’s number if you like. Whenever I needed one of my fighters to get a few more wins, I’d just throw him in with Disco.

My only other real advice is to enjoy it while it lasts. I had this moment you’re at right now. I did this NWO thing and had a good run beating the ratings of WWF. Really, our products just aren’t as good but it sure makes for a fun ride while we are out ahead. If you need someone to book fights, I’m actually available to work now. That’s it for me, but keep up the great work. WCW and Elite XC, like brothers separated at birth.

Love Always,

Eric Bishoff